POOF PIECE No.16: New Chapter
What I’ve come to discover is that our gender/identities will always be up for discussion. To be given opportunities and the ability to write about my experience is an honour that I’ll forever cherish. But, people are odd and they will always want to place you within a box where they’ll force you to adhere to their own discomfort around how they decide to exist.
This is not about them, nor will it ever be because this is about me. About us. I’m at a point where I’m exhausted discussing it within a public space as I’ve come to the conclusion that at this point in my life I no longer feel the need to do so. Perhaps that will change.
Yes, I am non-binary but in my mind, it’s one of the least interesting things about me. This is how I think we need to approach queerness within the public space. Yes, one may be queer but they’re also a nurse, a parent, a soccer player, a writer, a friend. We need to approach these conversations the same way we approach someone we’ve just met. Let’s learn about the person first. I am proud of my identity but I’m also proud of my accomplishments and the relationships I’ve formed.
Whether we like it or not, we will always be perceived but the only thing that matters is how we perceive ourselves. I will always be non-binary, and whether I move, shake and shape into a more masculine or feminine version of myself is my business and I shall do so elegantly. At work, my colleague and I have a saying which is, “We shall do what we do, and do it gracefully”. This is said during times of disruption where our peace and integrity is questioned. But ultimately, we can only do what we do…and do it gracefully.
Recently, I’ve made a conscious effort to dress more masculine. To feel masculine, to present masculine and (oop!) dare I say…I'm enjoying it. This doesn’t take away from my femininity, if anything, it adds to it as I and we are multifaceted and my loves, there is nothing wrong with providing layers. Purrrrrr. I’m also aware that the world is a royally fucked place right now. I don’t have the energy to fight off insecure fools, trust and believe! This may come across as me being “weak”, or “giving up” but I think this couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s a sign of resilience, if anything and I say this with the privilege of being able to “code switch” to be able to keep my peace at bay.
There’s so much going on that I have to be thankful for. Not only am I shifting into a new version of myself, but I’m also shifting into a new stage of my career. I have things happening that I’ve always dreamt of. The most prevalent being that a television drama that I created is currently in development and I am immensely proud of the rooms I’m being placed in. The past 6 months have been a whirlwind. I’ve been promoted within the tv world, met with Emmy award nominated actors overseas and Oscar winning producers and industry giants. Even if my show goes no where (don’t worry, it will) but, how fucking incredible that me, a kid from South-Western Sydney with zero connections have been able to have these conversations about something that I have created. I will say though, it’s an interesting feeling to feel successful but at the same time having all your (potential) success in the hands of others. So, that is what I’ll be focusing on going forward.
We are all here to do our best, and I am no longer going to waste my time putting myself in situations where I am overlooked and/or not respected because I am greater than that. We all deserve respect and we all deserve a chance to be our best selves. We are owed that and nothing shall get in my way.
So, my loves! I am queer and non-binary but I’m also a friend, a lover, a sibling, a writer, an actor and at times frustrated but ultimately I am a good time gal who wants to celebrate both my wins and those around me, big or small.
We’ve got this.
Love always,
Sandy