Poof Piece No. 1: “Far From Manly”
Photography by Inbetween Days Photography
MUA by Vince Vanity
Throughout the years my gender has always been in question. From kids on the streets asking whether I’m a “boy” or a “girl”, to being misgendered in the bathroom, to women following me into the male bathroom, to people asking friends whether I was trans. No matter whether I wasn’t old enough to realise what this meant or I was at an age where I didn’t feel compelled to answer as I didn’t owe them a response, this is not acceptable. If one is so eager to know the answer, please feel free to ask: What are your pronouns?
In high school an ongoing joke amongst my peers would be;
Peers: Oi Sandy, are you from Bondi?
Sandy: *confused* No, why?
Peers: Because you’re far from Manly
The class would erupt in laughter.
This obviously had an impact on my growth, my experience and the way I viewed myself.
Now in my late 20s I feel at peace, as this is exactly what gender is for me… growth and MY experience. Every single being will have their own journey coming into themselves, whether they are comfortably cis, AFAB (Assigned Female at birth), AMAB (Assigned Male at birth), Gender Non-Conforming, trans femme/masc. We all have our own path and we deserve to go down that road as we see fit. Unfortunately, it hasn’t been/isn’t that simple.
We cannot question people’s gender. End. Of.
This world is tough as is. It’s literally dangerous to navigate through a world where we could turn a corner and someone feel repulsed or angered by our existence. My father used to want to put me in karate classes (this conversation was last year) so I’d be able to defend myself. I responded with “If I get assaulted, I get assaulted. I’m not about to pay money to protect myself from someone who simply doesn’t like who I am”. This in itself is a damaging statement. I know he meant well, as he doesn’t want his child to be hurt. However, this is telling me that he saw it was easier for me to physically change in order to fit into a society that is ignorant and quite frankly doesn’t approve. BUT I tell you; It’s not me who needs to change, it’s the world around us.
This is a common thread for what is basically a reddit forum of our lives.
Another friend, who’s also queer, debated me as to why I’d like to “normalise” queerness. His reasoning was something like this is our space, this is our world, they don’t deserve to be a part of it. Luckily for him, he’s straight passing 87.3% of the time so his experience is vastly different from mine. I explained the reason why I want to normalise our world is to ensure we’re all safe. Me being white brings a lot of privilege, however I still get spat at, heckled, yelled at and intimidated on a nearly daily basis. This is not a world in which I want to exist in. If we have the ability to voice our experiences, tell our stories and use our platforms then I am going to speak up and share to ensure our trans, in particular our black + brown trans siblings, gender non-conforming folk, LGBQIA+, women of all shapes, ethnicities and sizes are able to walk home safely and be able to live freely to enjoy the beauty and magic that is their existence.
Being far from manly, isn’t a curse. It’s a gift. I’m grateful to be able to live the life I have, to love my body and choose how I use it.
Now, I can say comfortably that I identify as gender non-conforming. I feel comfortable being in this hairy 6ft body and being referred to as they/them. This is my journey and that’s the beauty of our community. We all are different, and I want nothing more than to celebrate that.
Love,
Sandy xx
